April's trial

Robbie filled a domestic violence order (DVO) against his father on March 17th. It was in retaliation against us for me filling one against him in February. The difference is I am terrified of my son because he used to hurt me when he was younger and did not get his way. Once he sat on my chest and I couldn't breathe, I filed charges against him then and had him arrested and sent to juvie.

So the judge saw what it was and denied his order. He is so cocky he thinks he won. He doesn't realize he hurt himself by filling this. I don't know if he saw the package I sent him with all the paperwork we filed with the court as a reply to this order. There were 66 pages of exhibits showing who the dangerous person really is. And it is all public knowledge now. It is all park of the court documents. And since she felt this was a continuation of my case having this recorded helps me not him.

He told the judge all he wants is for all this to stop, filing this DVO is not the way to make it stop, It was his way to continue it. Now it is done and no one has a restraining order against anyone. And we still have the gun at the house and if he comes to harass us, I call 911 to protect us. If he goes to jail oh well. The gun keeps him from coming over because it will violate his probation order, the one he has for domestic violence against his girl friend.

Hearing March 2, 2015

Today was the hearing for the restraining order I filed against Robbie (my son). I had a melt down because of everything. It was just Robbie and me at the table and I was terribly uncomfortable. I didn't say want I should and then he had Nikki and Nate lie under oath about where Rob (my husband) was. They all said he wasn't even in the room and couldn't hear what my son said to me or how he said it. Then Nikki went so far as to say our relationship was so volatile that we threw thins at each other and she couldn't  trust us with her child.

As I started to shake and get very emotional Robbie commented he hoped the judge didn't buy my theatrics. I didn't prove my case and he won. I wasn't prepared, didn't know I would be sitting with him. And he does what he always does to me. With his behavior in the court, you would think it would prove my case.

Locks

I changed the locks at my home yesterday. This has given me a little peace, but not enough. I feel safer knowing he cannot get into my home now, but I am still afraid. Even when the Sutter County Sheriff's Department called to let me know my son had been served, I was happy, I was sad, and I was afraid. This is a horrible combination to go through all at once. I know it will go away someday, but right now it is hard to function like this.

Terrified

I am writing this to help me.

Yesterday, February 16, I filed for a temporary restraining order against my son. I had to do this and there are those who would say I didn't, that I could let it go, but I am terrified of my son. As a boy, he threatened me with knives. He may have never used them on me, but he threat was real. He was physically abusive to me and his sister. So, he is living with me while he is on probation for beating up his girlfriend and when he gets angry at me and is unreasonable I get scared, scared for my life.

The only one who understands how I feel is the person who went through it with me.

Every time someone comes to my door I go into a panic attack. Every time I hear a car door open, I go into a panic attack. I am so afraid I cannot function. Even this is hard. I just want to sleep but if I do I am afraid he'll come in and hurt me in my sleep, or kill me.

This is why I had to get the order.